So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
