You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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