As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
