Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
