my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
