Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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