I can tuck mytits in my pants
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
