toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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