i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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