I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
