Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
