when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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