Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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