i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
