I faked an abortion last night.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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