I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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