Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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