I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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