I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
