Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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