she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
