So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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