Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
