It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
