so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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