Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
