How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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