She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
