Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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