I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
