The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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