The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
