Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
