laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
