The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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