So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
