i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
