GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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