i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
