he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
