I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
