38 yer olds are good kisserssss
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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