i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
