Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
