It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
