I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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