If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no you cant smoke seaweed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
