Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize