we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
