she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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