Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
