it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
