I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
