walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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