Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
