During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
