Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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