You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
