Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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