I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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