My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
