sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
