I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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