Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
