before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
