I could make wine with my vomit
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
