i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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