I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
