upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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