It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
