I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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