apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
