Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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