I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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