My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
