I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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